FML

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~ Sunday, August 21 ~
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Today, I took my daughter to the dentist to get three cavities filled. After spending two hours in the office, they realized that they did the wrong teeth. We had to pay for all six fillings. FML


95 notes
~ Saturday, August 20 ~
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Today, my girlfriend sexted me for the first time in months. Half way through reading it I was getting kind of hot. Then I found a spelling mistake and all I could think to do was correct her. She won’t talk to me. FML


340 notes
~ Friday, August 19 ~
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Today, I picked off what I thought was a small bug feeding on my skin. I was wrong. It was a mole. I spent the last 30 minutes trying to stop the continuous bleeding. FML


107 notes
~ Wednesday, August 17 ~
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Today, I got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. I called AAA, and they said it would take 2 hours to get there. They called 2 hours later saying they got a flat tire and would be there in another 2 hours. FML


238 notes
~ Tuesday, August 16 ~
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Today, a cute guy in a bar came up to me, and we started chatting. I’m a natural blonde, and he commented on how nice my hair was. He then followed this up with, “Does the carpet match the curtains?” FML


102 notes
~ Monday, August 15 ~
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Today, my religious parents were hosting a family dinner. Not only did we have to wait over an hour for my grandma to finally show up, but when she did, she had her 30 year old boytoy in tow. Apparently, “Granny has needs too you know, hahaha!” Goodbye peaceful family. FML


86 notes
~ Saturday, August 13 ~
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Today, I was painting of my room. I told my mom NOT to open the door because I was on a ladder behind it, with a paint can on top of the ladder as well. So she barges right in to ask me what I said. FML


140 notes
~ Friday, August 12 ~
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Today, my friend and I went for a late night walk along the beach. We decided to sit down on a log. It was a dead seal. FML


472 notes
~ Thursday, August 11 ~
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Today, my dad told me he doesn’t care if I die, as long as he can have the 100,000 dollars from my life insurance. My dad sees profit in my death. FML


88 notes
~ Wednesday, August 10 ~
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Today, I told my mom I wanted to try out for the track team. Her exact words were “good luck, fatty”. FML


186 notes